He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
