she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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