A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
