next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize