someone owes me an orgasm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
