I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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