I am spending my child support on dildos
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
