ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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