so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
