pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
