Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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