remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
