and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
