i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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