In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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