Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
