dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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