Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
