11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
