just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
