so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
