Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize