So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
