the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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