Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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