You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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