It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
