I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
