That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
