you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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