woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
