So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
