The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wear drunk well.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
