ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
