So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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