Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
