Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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