New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
