In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
