A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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