why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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