Got a toothbrush?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
