when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
