No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
