A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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