pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dick very happy bro
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
