I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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