Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
