my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My bed smells like the plague
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
