Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize