I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
