also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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