God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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