Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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