i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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