I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
