i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
