My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
