Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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