So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
