fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
