You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Farmville is her only friend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize