The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
