Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
