Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
