My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
