david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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