Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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