Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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