So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
