You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
