You can't motorboat a personality
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
