New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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