I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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