just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
