dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
