Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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