respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
