She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
