there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
